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Is the grass greener? Am I colourblind?
Replies: This question has 5 responses
04/05/2013 : 11:25:46 : Hi, This is the first time I've used a forum for this purpose and I'm pretty nervous about it, I hope some one can help. I basically need someone to tell me straight what to do, I feel really lost and like I'm having a quarter life crisis. I have been in a relationship for over a year now with this lovely man called Bill*. Up until about a month ago we were pretty much happy as larry, I actually felt like we were soul mates. Now for some reason I'm not sure if we are. I think it was all triggered when I was discussing partners meeting our friends at work.
Bill has never wanted to meet my friends but always put it down to his insecurities, saying they'd think he was boring. I believed him but encouraged him otherwise because both him and my friends are very important to me. Anyway after work that day we discussed it and came to the conclusion that he doesn't want to meet my friends because he doesn't think he'd like them (because they're loud and drink and he doesn't). This was a bit of a bombshell for me as how can I have a partner who never wants to meet my friends, for the rest of my life? During this discussion it also came up that we pretty much have nothing in common, only a passion for food/ baking / dining out.
I knew this before but before it didn't matter to me, now I find it really starting to matter and I'm noticing the differences more and more. He likes sport, I don't. I love fashion, he doesn't see the point. I've taken up running, he likes staying inside and playing computer games. He doesn't look after himself (i.e. not going to dentist, not buying new clothes when he has massive holes in all of them, not getting hair cut, not brushing teeth, not showering) and I take quite a lot of pride in my looks.
I've lost a lot of weight lately and think maybe I'm becoming more superficial and it's hurting the relationship because he can't fit in with that image. He is however very down to earth, caring and giving. He is a true gent. When I met him I thought he was 'the one' because we do (still) get along really well. He still makes me laugh and we can have fun together, its just rare that we DO things together anymore (because we want to do different things, ie. cinema/pub) A key point to this is libido.
In every other relationship I have had this has been a big issue, because I have such a low libido. Bill also has a low libido and it means that this is never a problem. He has started to brush me off a lot when i try to hug/kiss him but I can live with that for the ability for libido not to affect the relationship. Another important point is I have recently developed a crush on my boss ( that bombshell). It's become quite serious. I know people at work have noticed the flirting (from him to me- this will involve confiding in me, making excuses to come to my desk, telling stories to impress me/ make me laugh) but I have denied knowledge of it.
I'm aware it's going on, there's some serious sexual tension. I've tried avoiding him over the last couple of days, but it's difficult, I enjoy his company and we have almost the same shift pattern some weeks. Me and my boss (supervisor) have a lot in common, we have had similar backgrounds, enjoy the same things (music, socialising, drinking, travel - none of which Bill is interested in) we come from a similar area and have lived in this city for the same amount of time. The biggest difference is he's 9 years older than me.
NOW I know this is totally wrong to think like this and I feel awful about it. I wish I could stop thinking about him and erase him from my life, but seeing him all the time means I can't and it has meant some nights I'm in tears with guilt. I have worked with this man for about a year now but I don't know why only lately it seems to have escalated. 2 more important points, my supervisor is also in a relationship (Makes me feel sick to think I could be 'the other woman' - I may be reading the signs wrong, he may not be attracted to me, but I'm pretty sure he is) and the other point is I am living with Bill, and that leads to complications if we were to part.
I hope this makes sense, sorry it's long and I use too many brackets. I guess what I want to know is do I break up with Bill or not? I'm not expecting to break up with Bill and get together with my sup. because obviously he has a relationship too. But seeing as I'm emotionally confused (and a bit unfaithful tbh) do I end it for his sake? Or do I do something else and try and make it work between us? This could just be a phase, I'm feeling trapped with everything at the moment, including my job, my flat, this country etc (as I said quarter life crisis) Do I work through it and hope it'll pass? Sorry for rambling, please help?! x
My life is rubbish and feels meaningless.
Replies: This question has 2 responses
20/04/2013 : 18:23:29 : Hi everyone, I am a male, 23 years old and feel like my life is a waste of time. Firstly, I'm am trying so hard to get a job and every time it's seem to be the same old story, numerous interviews and job applications, but never any luck. I have gone through my town centre handing out CVs to managers in different stores and business, hoping to recieve phone calls or potential e-mail for work and hopefully improve my life.
What makes it worse is that all I do is just stay at home all day and never go out anywhere because of lack of finances such as, money. I wouldn't mind so much but I have never had any paid work, only temporary and voluntary work. It's the feeling of never knowing what it is Like to have a job. Secondly, it affects my general happiness, not earning a living or moving up the ladder, as they say. In the past, when I first left school, there were many promblems.
I had depression and anxiety, which prevented me from going to college and gaining more qualifications. Although, recently, I have gone back to college to gain the qualifications, for what my ideal job would be. In time, I hope to get to university next year but I am frightened of failing, due to my past. Thirdly, I really would like to meet a nice girl hopefully in the near future, again this ruins my general happiness because of not knowing, what it feels like.
A girlfriend and a job seems to elude me all the time. I want to go out more and mingle with people but without money, how can I? So it contanstly feels like a circle repeating every day. The scenario is driving me crazy and spmedays, I feel as if I am Losing mind. The only positive thing, that I have mentioned is that I am at college studying hopefully to be a journalist but even this is starting to bore me. There is no one there I really talk to or relate to,.
I have always struggled to fit in anywhere. I really would love to be popular for once and not be at home, worrying and scared of the future. Will things ever get any better? I really need some advice to stop feeling frustrated and angry all the time. How did I get into this position?
SEND EMAILS TO DR KUQ YA VIA: great.spellcaster@yahoo.com . TO STOP ANY FORM OF HEART BREAK IN YOUR LIFE !!
Replies: This question has 1 response
18/04/2013 : 07:10:33 : I want to say thank you to Dr Kuq Ya for all the good things he has done for me,Though am not sure if this is the best forum to post this but i cant hide my happiness and my Joy so i have to share it with people my marriage got crashed about a two years ago and i tried all i could within my power but to no avail i saw a post and testimonial about the good things of Dr Kuq Ya has been doing so i decided to give it a trial though he is always a busy man but when he responded back to my e mail,he gave me 5 to 6 hours for my marriage to be restored i am happy since then i am happy and i am living happily i am so grateful Dr Kuq Ya you can always e mail him here: great.
spellcaster@yahoo.com .
Should I tell him I like him?
Replies: This question has 1 response
01/04/2013 : 00:47:05 : I've already told this boy I like him before a few times, but now I think I really should do it properly. He's good friends with my best friend and she think that I shouldn't go out with him because he's into sex etc. I text him loads and we flirt constantly. I feel really awkward meeting up with him but I really really like him.
Am I still in love with her or am I just wanting to be?
Replies: This question has 1 response
08/03/2013 : 23:39:19 : I had a crush on a girl for a couple of months before I told her and she said 'You're a really nice guy and I hope we can stay friends, but I'm just not in love with you'. That was almost a month ago, and right now I'm still thinking about her a lot every day but for the first time in a couple months I feel attracted to other girls aswell. It's really weird, because while I had a crush on her all other girls suddenly looked ugly to me and now I almost feel guilty towards her (or towards myself, I don't know) for looking at other girls while we obviously had no relationship whatsoever.
Is this some other form of being in love or am I fooling myself into thinking I still have a crush on here? We're 16 btw.
I broke up with my long term girlfriend and don't know if it was the right thing to do... I have since met someone else and can't move on with the new relationship as I am still thinking of my ex...
Replies: This question has 1 response
03/03/2013 : 15:20:42 : Hi, I broke up with my girlfriend of over 10 years at the end of November 2012. My reasons were I felt that I was the only one pulling their weight in the relationship. I would make all the suggestions, I would organise everything. Also, she has a self confidence issue and because of this she never initiates sex. I am always the one to do this. She mostly follows my lead and we do have sex, but i get tired of it always being me and sometimes don't initiate even when I feel like it. In January 2013 I started getting closer to a girl I have known for a couple of years but have never been friendly with.
It happened all of a sudden and completely unexpected, I didn't go looking for it to happen. We started seeing each other and things have developed quickly. A couple of months in and we spend almost every night together and do stuff every day. She wants to go on holiday at Easter. My problem is, I can't stop thinking about my ex. I feel guilty for being with new girl. I feel sad when I think about my ex. I really miss her. I miss her every day. At least 15 times a day something reminds me of her.
All of these feelings aren't allowing me to advance in my new relationship. New girl has realised I'm not ok and today we talked about it, I was honest with her and we decided to stop seeing each other. I don't know if I am still in love with my ex, and that I shouldn't be too demanding with her and accept her the way she is, or if we could get some couples advice and better an already fantastic relationship (other than the faults I've mentioned), or if I was right to break up with her and this is simply the process I have to go through but maybe I started things to early with new girl.
I do have the feeling that I would rather regret something tried than something not tried, and also I have a strong feeling that my ex and I belong together even if we have problems. On the other hand I think I deserve better and that possibly I could have that with new girl. But maybe with some help and/or guidance and some effort I could have that with my ex also. As you see, not an easy situation to be in. Any help would be appreciated. Many thanks. A.
Totally sad
Replies: This question has 1 response
26/02/2013 : 04:01:10 : Hi. I just met a guy about 2 weeks ago. We like each other but I wasn't sure how much I liked him. I knee that he thought I was his girl cause we got close an he gave me some money. I don't know, I got nervous, its been a long time that I've dated an I don't wana settle. An I don't want to rush. So ii told him its best we don't communicate. Now I regret it, I just didn't give him a chance. Would it be ok to call him or should I wait for him? I have too much ego an i hate that. He probably doesn't want to talk to me
He split up with me, I had sex with someone and then lied about it - am I in the wrong?
Replies: This question has 2 responses
24/02/2013 : 22:55:01 : Hi My boyfriend split up with me, we'd been together for three years and he cowardly ended it over the phone - he was my first and I was his. We ignored each other for a while and then decided to become 'friends with benefits' (awful mistake). During this, it seemed like my feelings were getting hurt and his weren't he used to say things like 'don't get attached to me, get attached to my d**k'. I also started to hear things about him liking other girls until it got too much, I was very drunk and slept with another guy behind his back.
He's been prone to get violent and angry in the past and although I knew we weren't together I couldn't bring myself to tell him - it was a mistake and it happened purely because of how much he'd hurt me. Then around three months later after my constant lying he found out and reacted just as I thought, he's now abusing me in so many ways. He's acting although he suddenly wants me back, i'm not allowed out with my friends, he has my facebook password and checks my phone regularly. He also send me quite a lot of abuse.
What should I do, am I in the wrong? :(
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