Running into debt can't complete studies
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05/02/2010 : I am studying PGD in business for 18 months and I am yet to pay my remaining fees.The desire was to work and to complete my study but difficult to find and to meet the ends.
We have a baby but he won't marry me.
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19/02/2010 : Hi, I have been with my partner for three years and we have a six month old baby boy. When I first met Paul he was going through a vicious divorce and custody battle with his ex wife over their 5 year old daughter. It was a difficult time but I tried to always be there for him and the bond that I created with his daughter was very strong due to the amount of time I gave to her. Not long after he lost custody of his daughter (who was taken to live in America with the ex wife's new husband) Paul asked me to marry him.
I accepted and was so happy. I was at this point in my early thirties and had been diagnosed with PCOS and told not to leave it too long to have children. Because I knew that we were going to get married, as he had asked me, we decided to go ahead and conceive our son soon after. For me,having been raised with traditional values, I felt that it wasn't ideal having a child before marriage BUT that my son wouldn't know any different because by the time he was able to understand the concept of marriage his mummy and daddy would be married anyway and we would all have the same surname.
This is where it all starts to go wrong. The ring that I had chosen and tried on never turned up all because I was stil friends with my ex partner whose father was dying of cancer. My partner Paul saw that as some kind of deceit and went through my phone bills highlighting the numebr of times I had been in contact with him. I found this slightly ironic considering the fact that after all his ex wife put him through he still maintains a very amicable relationship with her and he even employed one of his ex girlfriends of seven years, and therefore works with her nearly every day.
I have never had a problem with this and actually thik it is good when people can live life without hatred. Anyway, I digress. Here I am now with a beautiful baby and no prospect of marriage. Paul tells me now that he isn't ready to be married and that actually he doesn't see it as a big deal in life anymore. He says that he has made the biggest commitment to me...having a baby with me and that marriage is 1% not 99%. He says that we may do one day BUT it would appear that it is all on his terms now.
He steers the boat and I am merely the passenger. I feel really cheated for both myself and my son. I am struggling with the fact that he commited to his ex-wife and daughter and that I am being punished for the downfall of his past marriage. He says it was a mistake to marry her and that she blackmailed him into doing it (they got married when their daughter was one years old and the ex-wife said either he marry her or she is leaving..so he married her). I cannot do the same clearly and I don't want to but I question whether or not I should just go.
I am scared that I am going to spend the next 10 years or so of my life hoping that we can be a 'proper' family. Paul says this is silly and that we are a 'proper' family. I can't say I agree, my child doesn't even have my surname as Paul wouldn't agree to us double barrling it and I am constantly being asked my near perfect strangers when we are getting married, it does my head in. I also feel trapped because I live in HIS marital home and have no home of my own. I am also 4 hours away from my closest friends and family as I moved my life to be with him.
He says that I will ruin our childs life for my own selfish needs if I leave and talks about the kind of awful life our son will have as I cannot financially give him the same lifestyle on my own. My Partner is reasonably wealthy and money is clearly important to him...(oh and I should add that I suggesed signing a pre-nup if he married me but even that wasn't good enough). A month ago I left for a couple of days and Paul went through two emotions....anger followed by desperation. I went back for our sons sake but as I sit here now I wonder if I did the right thing.
I feel disappointed and yet Paul has such a way of twisting things that at times I even try to tell myself that marriage isn't important to me...but I know that it is. I aked him to see a counsellor with me but he flatly refuses and says they are a waste of time. What can I do? I do love him, yet I wish I didn't because then it would be easy to leave without guilt. Please help. Lucy
Family problems, feels like my mums just not interested?
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26/02/2010 : This sounds like a odd question but anyway... I dont know if anyone has had this with their parents before but it just seems like my mum isnt interested? For example im 14 and just going to start with all my GCSE options. I really need someone to talk to about it. I try to bring the conversation up with her by saying somthing about it like "I dont know if i should choose this or this" and she just mutters while tapping away at her laptop. She hasnt once asked me what i want to do, she never starts a conversation with me anymore, she shows no interest in coming to the school meetings or reading the booklets about the options.
And this is just one of the things. I just feel like she wont talk to me about anything and she should be more interested with things about what i want to with my life? what im thinking of taking? And tomorow im choosing them and she hasnt asked me anything about them! Theres other things aswell she just never shows an interest in anything anymore, and i dont understand why? And it just seems to be me aswell. My older brother is 17 and at college studying engineering and hes doing really well, and mum couldnt be prouder of him, shes always asking him how things are going and if he needs help etc.
And she did the same when he was my age aswell. When he was doing his gcses she was talking to him like evryday telling him not to worry and that he would work it out, and asking what he thought he wanted to do and about college etc. But with me nothing? My mum and dad are seperated and have been for about 10 years, but their frends. I see my dad alot in the week and weekends as he lives alone. Me and my brother always see him several times. My dad talks to me, asks me about it. I can acctually have a conversation with him! He takes me to the option evenings and i've told him about mum but he cant seem to see the problem as such cause hes not there to see it happen.
I have a younger brother whose 3 aswell and ofcourse that keeps my mum busy because hes not my dads, and his dad isnt around (long story) but she gets plenty of support from others and me and my brother. I just dont understand why she doesnt show any interest? It makes me upset i feel like she couldnt care about me less all she wants to do is like tap away on facebook, until my brother walks in the room and shes ready with questions and ideas, and hes happy to tell her about college and his girlfriend etc.
I've asked my mum about it, like the other day when i was trying to talk to her, she just said it was up to me so i should just go upstairs and think about it. So i was upset and agry and replied that shes just not interested and its like i have to keep saying muuum? Mummm? till i get a "huh?" or "yeah whatever"? I keep saying your just not interested are you? and when i asked for help earlier on coursework she just said i dont know? then once again my brother will come in and its like "oohhh sooo how did your teacher say your test went"? and it goes on and on until i just slip out the room and leave to my bedroom, proably unnoticed to her.
I feel alone and dont like not having support, i may be more sure of what i want to do with my life then what my brother did but i would still like to talk to her about it. Dont get me wrong i love the support from my dad, hes been amazing lately as we're getting so much closer, but me and mum to be honest we dont talk at all. She only works two days a week so i should have her there the rest of the days but nothing, shes just not interested i try to tell her, and it wont work. I want her to be proud maybe of something i did, for example im a dancer and my dads been paying for it for about ten years because my mum wouldnt by the way.
And i recently got invited to London to dance with the Royal Ballet and dad was estatic that it was going so well, where as mum just said "cool" do i dissapoint her? Does she not want me to dance? Im not doing that as a career, i love dancing but its my hobbie not my job. English has always been my best subject and ive won awards in it etc. So i want to work in journalism or Media. I have my mind set on things, and at the moment i cant wait to finish with school get to college and eventually be out of this town somewhere i might get some more support.
I know this is alot but i just really want some help? Please?