March 2010
How do you know if you should stay or go .
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03/03/2010 : I have been with my boyfriend for five years. We met when we were young and it was initially the " chase " that was the reaction. Five years has flown by very quickly and we are now building a house together. I find that he gets abusive in regards to yelling at me for things that aren't my fault, at least once or twice a week. He will yell and swear at me if i make a mistake like accidently taking his mobile phone with me or forgetting to do something. Finallly after snapping i get so angry with him and yell even louder at him.
It turns into a viscious circle. I dont know what to do - when he is nice and we are getting along i love him more than anything, bnut it is like when he is in a bad mood he snaps / changes into someone else.? Should I stay and try to help him change his moods , if so how do i do this ? Or should i go and endeavour the heart ache of leaving someone i love due to their temper.
Marriage advice
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03/03/2010 : I am due to marry this summer to a man who I know is right for me but I do not find him as physically attractive as the ex-fiance who I am in touch with and see every now and again. He has gone through a bad break up and is having counselling to get back on track and regain his confidence. I have helped him as a friend as he has been near -suicidal at times - he says he loves me and I am dear to him and I find my old feelings for him are still there and I am thinking about him all the time when i am trying to plan a wedding to the man I intend to marry.
Any advice please?
Should I kiss on film?
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10/03/2010 : I did noy know what category to put this in. I am student at a university where they have a film studies course. The other day in the canteen 2 guys asked me if I would be in their film project. I said yes. When it came to it I had to kiss one of them in the film. Not just a quick kiss either, we had to be laying down doing it for ages. I'm not sure what to do, we have only been rehearsing so far and they want me to go around tontheir house tomorrow to film it. There is only me and these 2 boys in the film.
Should I go?
Cheese addiction?
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13/03/2010 : I have a 7 year old son. Practically all he eats is cheese. Up until recently he had school lunces and I did not worry too much because he was at least eating ptoperly at lunchtime. Now he just has cheese sandwiches for lunch as well. My wifwe does not think that there is anythibg wrong with this and she will not talk about it. What should I do?
How can I tell her I do not want a relationship.
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13/03/2010 : I am single. I recently went on a night out with some friends There was a really nice girl there who I was talking to. She gave me her number and I texted her the next day. She did not reply. I spoke to a mutual friend and she said that this girl had said she did not want a relationship. The thing is, nor do I. I just want to spend a bit of time with soemone and have some fun. How can I get this girl to understand this.
My boss bullies us
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13/03/2010 : I work away from home quite a lot. My wife and I have a ten year old daughter. When I have been coming home recently my daughter has seemed quite and withdrawn. I took her swimming the other day and she finally told me what was wrong. She told me that her Mum bullies her. She actuallyt used that word. She would not be specific and clammed up straight after she had told me. I cannot get her to tell me anymore What should I do? My daughter does not want me to go away from work anymore.
Fiance talking about divorce before marriage!
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13/03/2010 : I am due to get married in July. My fiance has started to talk about divorce already. She thinks that the marriage is no big deal as we can always get divorced if it does not work. Is she having doubts, I don't like to hear this at a time that should be one of the happiest times of our lives. Who should I talk to?
Husband is leaving for the world cup
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13/03/2010 : I have not been getting on with my husband for the last 9 months. He told me the other night that he is going to move out while the world cup is on. He is going to stay with a friend until England get knocked out. Does this mean he thinks more of the world cup than he doas of me? It's not like I don't let him watch the football.
Deep Debts
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13/03/2010 : I am married with 2 children who are 3 and 7. I have managed to run up a massive amount of debt without them knowing. Now my bank has cancelled all my cards and I cannot borrow anymore. I have been using my cheque guarantee card at money shops even though it has been cancelled. It is only a matter of time until they find out what's been goign on. What should I do?
I think I saw God
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13/03/2010 : My life has been very hard over the last 2 years. I won't go into detail but there has been death divorce redundancy and bakruotcy. Sometimes it really gets me down. I was walking through town the other day when I got a physical rush tnat made me look up at the sky. I saw a face smiling at me and I felt like I was not alone anymore. Then it was gone. Was this God?
My friend is a racist
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13/03/2010 : I staretd a job 6 months ago and I made friends with a woman who started on the same day. She seemed really nice at first although I did notice that she was a snob. She was quite generous to me though, buying me lunch and things. Now it turns out she is not only a snob which I don't like but she is also a racist. I don't know how to keep her at arms length without causing a problem at work.
I have no friends
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13/03/2010 : I am single and have just moved from Ghana to London. How can I make freinds. If I go to the pub or something no-one speaks to each other and I leave having not had a conversation. Are there any clubs I could join?
Wife worried about Ex
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13/03/2010 : My girlfriend who I split up from 9 years ago keeps texting me. She says I was the one and that she wants me back. I am married now but my wife is very insecure about thios waoman. If she finds out that I have been getting texts from her she will flip out. What should I do?
Should I leave my wife?
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14/03/2010 : I have been married for 12 years and have 2 daughters. My wife and I have not got on for years but the marriage has sort of worked. Now I have met this woman who I used to know and have been having an affair. She wants me to leave my wife. I think the children would understand but I have a very successful business to which my wife would be entitiled to half. I employ 40 people and feel responsible for them. What should I do?
Where can I get help with my Dad?
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14/03/2010 : I live wiith my Father. He is 82 and senile and geting worse. I am 46 and small and not very strong. The problem is that he may be losing his mind but he is still very strong and I am becomeing scared of him. Where can I get help? I don't want him to go into a home.
HRT wife
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14/03/2010 : I have been married for 10 years. I have never had sex with my wife. In fact I have never had sex with anyone. My wife did not mind until she got her menopause and started on HRT. Now she says she wants sex and will go elsewhere if I do not provide it. I thiught we were happy as we were, what can I do?
Can't move on
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14/03/2010 : I split up with my girlfriend 2 years ago and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I cannot move on. What can I do?
Scare of another baby
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14/03/2010 : I have been married for 6 years and we have a 5 year old son. We did not want any more children as he was such a handful. Now my wife is pregnant. Itried to talk her into getting an abortion but she would not. I do ntowant another baby. I feel like leavung at the thought of all thoise sleepless nights coming up.
Bullying on walk to school
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15/03/2010 : I walk my son to school every morning, he is 6. There are these boys of about 10 who come through at the same time as us soemtimes and they shout throw sticks and use foul language. I had a row with them and told them to get lost. Yetsreday morning aonr of them was there waiting with his dad who threatened me with violence if I sopke to his son again. He was really intimidating. He did this in front of ny son. Now these boys think they can do whatever they want and are worse than ever. Our nice wwalk to school has been ruined my son and I are both anxious about it.
What can we do?
Spelling Advice
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15/03/2010 : My son has just started at middle scjool this year. I am a single Mum. He is getting quite hard homework now which he is struggling with. The thing is I cant help him because i cant spell. I dont have the money for coaching what can I do? It took me an hour to write this please help I dont want my son to think I am stupid.
What should I do about my boyfriend's refusal to phone ? and general lack of contact?
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17/03/2010 : We have been dating for 7 months and see each other about 3-5 times a month. We were both very busy in the beginning, and now my work has slowed down, and I find myself wishing we could see each other more often and having more communication in between meetings. We text each other every 3-4 days or so, but while in the beginning I find this SMS thing wonderful I am beginning to get annoyed. I've hinted at this before a month or so into dating, but he kept texting me instead...so I am not sure if I should even try to bring it up again or is this just a symptom of a bigger problem and time for me to leave?
Scared to see my friend
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20/03/2010 : I have a friend who I have known for about 7 years. Recently he has become bedridden he has arthritis and now he has had a fall. He has never asked me to visit him but I feel I should. The thing is I always find soemthing else to do rather than visit him. Why is this? What am I scared of?
Going to miss him
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21/03/2010 : I graduated from high school last spring, and my boyfriend "James" is graduating this year. He's the adventurous type, and is going to a college about 6 hours away and possibly studying abroad so he can travel all over the world. I'm happy for him, but I'm also very sad, because I stayed in our hometown for college (I'm much more of a homebody), and I won't be able to be with him. James and I are very close, and I know you may shake your head and laugh because we're so young, but we've both thought about it long and hard and we realized that we'll most likely get married later on down the road.
Now, my problem isn't that James wants to travel, it's that he doesn't seem to be bothered about leaving me. I know he is, because we've talked about it, but he's a little insensitive about saying things like, "I just can't wait to get out of here!" I don't think he realizes how much it hurts me. But I don't want to tell him that, because I feel it would be selfish of me to shoot down his enthusiasm. I don't want to be the kind of person who has to drag people down to my level when I'm sad.
I think what I'm really bothered by is his lack of empathy. He cares about me very much, and most of the time he always knows how to make me feel better if I'm unhappy. But sometimes he just gets so caught up in things that he's excited about, he doesn't pay as close attention to my feelings. I'm torn. I often find myself thinking, "Is this selfish? Or is this something I have a right to do?" Is it selfish to ask him to hide his happiness at leaving? Or am I doing an injustice to myself by hiding my own feelings?
Mum and Dad and bad mouthing
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21/03/2010 : I go and see my Mum and Dad nearly every weekend. I am beginning to find it very hard work as all htey do is complain abiut whatever family member is not there. They never have anthing positive to say, it's really depressing and I come away very unhappy. They seem happiest when they are moaning. My son spends a lot of time with them and I wonder whether they do it in front of him. It would upset me if they did.
Reality of Death
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21/03/2010 : A very good friend of mine died suddenly recently. I am 42. Ever since he died I cannot stop thinking about dying, I even drem that I have died. Is this normal? Should I sse a doctor?
B/F cheating
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22/03/2010 : my boyfriend who i was with 2 years and we live in two different countries, i just found out that he was cheating on me for a month with his new flat mate. i mean to go and see him next month , we had planes and i love him so much and i want him back, what should i do to get him back?
Birthday gift bought before breakup
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22/03/2010 : my boyfriend recently dumped me on very flimsy reasons and i'm very hurt. at the same time i love him and hope he comes back to me coz aside from the decision to end the relationship without talking to me to try and fix the problem he is a very nice guy. his birthday is coming up, and i want him back but giving him time, should i give him the gift i already bought while we were together?
friendship question
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22/03/2010 : Im 16, and me and a friend (16)i met about a year ago have always had a flirty friendship, we never really saw eachother too much, beacause he lived about twenty minutes away by car, but nearly two hours by bus, as he was unable to get lifts we had rarely time to meet. However when we did meet, we always had such a fun time, we got on really well, with just the two of us, and also around his friends (: who i also knew before him. As we dont get chance to meet, we used to always talk over msn, we spoke about everything we had in commmon, and got to know eachother.
We made up silly private jokes, and always had a flirty relationship, it was obviuos to everyone who saw that we did too. We ofter had eachothers names or something about us in our names, something that only we understood or something that sounded weird to other people. He used to always speak to me when i'd sign on, and always text me when he signed off. I looked foward to hearing from him, and he always told me he did from me to. He told me how amazing i was, and how well we got on. After we'd met about 7 times, and spoken for about 6 months, i found out his bestfriend liked me.
I'd known his bestfriend before him, but he never told me. This confused me, but still me and him continued to talk. His bestfriend would always say to mee, you two stop flirting or something along those lines, and me and this boy would just send laughing faces to him, and we even talked about how our realtionship was flirty. All in all we talked alot, got on well, and grew closer, until i was certain he liked me. Until a girl in my year at school (all girls school) said to me she was really happy, and when i asked why she said she was going to get together with this boy.
when i asked his name, i was schocked to find out he was the same boy. I was in shock, and wanted to know more so i didnt mention that i knew him, i just said the name sounded familiar, she showed me texts, and told me all about how they talked and he told her how amazing she was, and much they had in common. But she had never met him in real life, as he hadnt been allowed down. That night he was begginging to talk to me less and less, when i noticed this girl had signed on msn. Then he just didnt talk to me for the whole night, he didnt text or anything.
The next day the girl said how he had said to her "you know when you first talk to someone, you know how you feel about them?" she had answered no? and he said "im experiencing it right now" she had said well its obviously about me, isnt it? and i didnt know how to answer? could he be talking about me? or to her? I know its most likely to be her, but i just am slightly confused, over how our relationship has just gone?
Advice please over girlfriend
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22/03/2010 : So ive been with this girl for 2 and half years most of it was long distance. I met her through a family friend of mine and we been talking as friends for like 6 months straight before both of us developed these feelings for each other and she was 17 and i was 18 and we felt as if we were dating but really not because we have never seen each other in person ever so it was a pretty dumb relationship but at the same time we couldn't deny the strong feeling we had for each other you know? fast forward 2 years later we met and i stayed with her every time i visit and she always tells me im the one because both of us are like the same exact person with small differences.
She wants to marry blah balh but the long distance always gets to her and it does to me too. She being more emotionally weak at one point felt this relationship is pointless and wanted to break up not because of me but because of the distance. Then a few days later she couldnt take the time apart from us talking so we got back together again and now its march and she had this same problem about distance again since last monday . We have been separated for 2 weeks now and she says she wants to be with me but when im in the same city as her.
I am moving to her city for school in 2 months and it surprised me that she could not wait just 2 more months you know? but then i realized this relationship is pointless and i felt bad for tying her down and she stayed loyal for 2 and a half years. The main reason she broke up with me was because of the distance and since we don't see each other everyday that attraction she had for me was going down also which is understandable because i had the same up until I met her in person again all the spark and attraction came right back into me after seeing her in person.
Now the week later I ask her so since we broke up have u messed around with any guy? and she didnt wanna tell me because she felt it would hurt me but she did kiss another guy while she was drunk but then i tell myself i cant complain because we did officially break up so there are no rules attached but still i feel its because of the long distance is what is giving us problems because everytime i see her in person all the problems go away and she just begs n wishes that i just live there and now that i finally am in 2 months she cant wait for that and just keeps telling me I just wanna be single until you move here, I wanna be with you when you move here and blah blah blah now i ask myself after all this pain she put me through when she begs for me back which i know she will should i take her back when i move out there? even though i still respect her for staying loyal to me for 2 and half years I feel I should just let her off the chain for these 2 months and see where me and her stand when i move there.
I dont know what to do though our relationship is just flat out perfect except for the distance and that is what made her dump me until i move there and the thing is like honestly i am OK with us breaking up because i understand this long distance for 2 young people is pretty stupid but the only thing im not really OK with is her messing around with other guys because my feelings are still there regardless you know? she still tells me im one of a kind and she will never find a guy like me but still if its like that then why couldn't she wait 2 more months? so i don't know if i should consider taking her back or not.
what do you guys think? sorry for the long read but i want to be as detailed as possible so you guys can hopefully see it from my perspective. thank you to all who take their time to help me out with this annoying situation.
relationship cycles
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23/03/2010 : I'm 22 and in the UK, I don't really know where to begin with this... I was kind of a late developer relationship wise, very shy, very low self esteem. At 18 I met a slightly older guy and he was my first proper relationship, it was exciting and loving, he encouraged me to apply for University and once I was away at Uni the problems began. I was a lot less reserved and enjoying a lot of attention from guys and once I'd cheated once I enjoyed cheating again. The inevitable happened and my boyfriend found out, I was failing at Uni anyway and my relationship ended and I had to come home having failed and with student debts.
My parents were extremely disappointed and I wasn't welcome back at the family home (they don't know about all the cheating just that I failed and split up with my bf), they did help me out with a deposit to a flat and I got a job (two jobs, shop work and bar work) and coming to terms with where my life was at sex became pretty much the thing I like to do with my spare time... I suppose it's a sort of cycle I've got into, it's one I've tried to break, commiting to one guy, having a relationship, but I seem to give in too easily Any advice?
What does I love you mean?
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23/03/2010 : I've been dating this guy for 7 months now.I'm 30 and he's 42. He said "i love you" when we were having sex last week. Do you think he means this? we've only been casually dating so far..i.e..we never talked abt. exclusivity and only hang out once a week or less. On the other hand he introduced me as "a very good friend" at an industry party..though i think this is probably a good professional move for both of us. I want to ask for a commitment now..at least to be exclusive, do you think this is the right time?
My wife won't talk to me.
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24/03/2010 : I lost my job just befroe Christmas. Recently I got another one but I have to be away every week for all of the 5 working days. At first I used to speak to my wife for hours every night, we have never really spent any time apart before. Over the last month she has always been out when I phone and she won't tell me where she has been. Even when I go home for the weekend she goes out now and won't tell me where she's gone. What do oyu think is going on? How do I get her to talk to me again?
Ex-wife's curse
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24/03/2010 : I got divorced 6 years ago. I have not had sex or any type of relationship since then. I have now met another woman and we have reached the stage where she wants to have sex. The thing is that when my wife left me one of hte things she said was that I did not satisfy her in bed. Now I am too scared to have sex with this new woman. What should I do?
Beaten my mom
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24/03/2010 : I'm nearly 14 and got my ass wacked by mom! ... me and my little bro whose 10 were fighting out back and mom caught us, smacked my bro's butt a couple of times with her hand then she took off her shoe and smacked my ass 8 maybe 10 times pretty hard with the flat sole - I was shocked and really embarrassed and my ass felt sore for few days after. When I told some friends at school (other girls my age) what happened cus I was sitting funny, they laughed at me saying I was too old for that type of thing but one of them said it might be abuse and I should tell a teacher -I love mom and just want to forget about it - I was sore and embarrassed but thats it, but I dont know what to do .
.should I tell someone at school?
I am worried for my child
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25/03/2010 : My daughter lives with me and sees her Dad on alternate weekends. He is lucky that he sees her that much, he expeosed her to danger a couple of years ago anf the court said he could only have thus amoung of contact. He also has a diagnosis of Bi-Polar Disorder. He is going to court for more contact when he can barely handle the contact he gets now. The other night our daughter came home with writing all over her legs that I could not get off. I know he will put on a good show for the courts and am scaared that they will let him see more of her.
He is not a good influence. What should I do?
Third baby blues
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25/03/2010 : My wife is about to have our third baby. I am terrified. I do not remeber feeling this scare with the first 2 what has come over me? When I try and talk to people they laugh at me and don't take me seriously as I have 2 children already. I don't know why I am so scared. Is it maybe because I am older?
Worried about son
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29/03/2010 : My son is 9. I split from his Dad about 3 years ago. He did not seem to bothered at first, but now he is becoming very wirhdrawn. He does not seem to have any friends at school he never brings anyone home and he never tells me about what has been going on at school. Over the last year he has spent most of his time watching DVD's on his own. I guess the DVD's are just a symptom of how he is feeling. Does anyone have any ideas how I might be able to get him to open up to me?
Catholic belief
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29/03/2010 : I have never been a religious person despite the fact that I was brought up a Catholic. Recently I keep thinking that I see the hand of God in almost everything. Am I going mad or developing a faith? Can anyone help?
Is she pregant
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29/03/2010 : My daughter is 14. I ahve never spoken to her about sex, I left all that to her Mum. Her Mum left us about 2 years ago and I hoped that she had had all the girly chats she needed by then. Now she is putting on weight but she is trying to hide it by dressing in big clothes. It occurred to me that she may be pregnant. What is the best way of broaching this with her?
Son's eating disorder
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29/03/2010 : My boy will only eat jam sandwiches. He is 14 and this is all he has eaten for the last 8 months. He does not look ill but this cannot be good for him. Should I take him to the doctor or will this sort otself out on its own?
Sick of the truth
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29/03/2010 : I have been married for 18 monts. I have found out that my wife has been cheating on me since even before we got married. When I ask her why she married me she does not have an answer. Now I just want to divorce her as fast as I can. And cheaply. How can I go about this?
Am I the daddy?
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29/03/2010 : My best friends wife has just had a baby. I think it might be mine. We had an affair that only ended 2 months ago and we did not use protection. While we were seeing each other she told me that they never had sex now and had not had it for 4 years. I don't understand how this baby can be her husbands. If it is mine I want us to be together but she won't take calls from me and ignores emails and letters. How can I make her talk to me?
Girls growing up worrying me
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29/03/2010 : I am a single Mum and have 2 teenage daughters. Recently I have started to feel like a strnger in my own house. They bring friends of both sexes home and I am confined to my room while they have run of the house. The boys can be quite intimidating and I can only see this situation getting worse. How can I get control back?
Bad Rep.
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29/03/2010 : I have always liked drinking but recently I tried to remember the last time that I went for a day without drinking alcohol and I could not. I was out with soem colleagues from work and we were at the pub and I went to the bar to get a drink. While I was there I bought a large whisky and drank it at the bar. My manager saw me and now everyone knows. We are all salesman and drive so this is not good. I think I amgetting a reputuation and don't know what to do.
Fighting
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29/03/2010 : I am 16 years old. We live quite near a bad estate and I got in a fight with 1 of the lads fro there. I got a bloody nose and came home. My Mum saw me and now says I cannot go out again. I think she means that I can never go out again which is ridiculous. She locks the door from the inside and won't give me a key. Is ahe allowed to do this?
Scared of Committment
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29/03/2010 : I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 months. I am 22 and he is 38. He says he wants to take me to Barbados and get married in autumn. I think it is too soon but I do like him and think the relationship could go somewhere How do I tell him this without upsetting him?
Legaliities of redundancy
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29/03/2010 : At my job they have been laying people off over the last year in little bits. Do they have to tell me if they are going to make me redundant? I need to know I cannot stand the waiting and thinling that I may not have a job at the end of every month. Are they obliged to tell me? I am scared to ask as I don't want to upset them and sack me.
Stressed Vision
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29/03/2010 : I think I may be stressed. I have been under a lot of pressure over the last 18 months. Now whenever I am under pressur my vision starts to wobble about. Can this happen when you are stressed and what should I do about it.
Question about Self Harming
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29/03/2010 : I have begun pinchinh my skin until the skin breaks and bruises. I am 16. Sometimes I feel this is not enough and I want to stick forks and things into my arms. I know this is not good but I cannot stop myself. I don't know what to do, who can I talk to about this?
Longing for love
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29/03/2010 : I want to fall inlove with someone. I do not wan to use the Internet dating thing because I dont feel that you should engineer relationships, I think that they should happen naturally. How can I go about this?
threatening txts
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29/03/2010 : I split up with my boyfriend 6 weeks ago. He keeps texting me and the taxts are getting more and more horrible. The last 2 threatened me with violence if he sees me with another man. He is a taxi driver and I think he might be following me or getting hid friends to keep tabs on me. What does he have to do before I call the police?
I don't see my son
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29/03/2010 : My wife left me 2 years ago. I have to pay maitenence, loads of it despite teh fact that she has met soemone else and is living with them. Also I never get to see my boy. There is a court order in place for every other weekend bit she simply ignores it. I would have to tkae her back to court which I cannot afford and even then there is no guarantee that things would change. I don't know what to do.
Drowing in Debt
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29/03/2010 : I owe so much money I am scared to addit up. I think it is over twenty thousand dollars. I need someone to help me sort thingd out. I cannot afford to pay anyone to do it. Help me