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I don't want to get married
Replies: This question has 2 responses

My boyfriend proposed to me a year ago. Ever since we told our families it's all anyone ever talks about. In fact it's all we ever talk about as well. It's like it has taken over our lives and I hate it. I don't think things are going to be the same after we get married. I want things back like they were before, it's not like we went out for long before we decided to get married. I don't think we had enough fun before it got serious and now I think it's all messed up.

Anonymous replies: Answer yourself this question: Can you imagine your life without your other half in it.

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Should I marry the father of my children who I have lived with for 15 years when I still have feelings for an ex-partner?
Replies: This question has 1 response

I am due to marry this summer to a man who I know is right for me but I do not find him as physically attractive as the ex-fiance who I am in touch with and see every now and again. He has gone through a bad break up and is having counselling to get back on track and regain his confidence. I have helped him as a friend as he has been near -suicidal at times - he says he loves me and I am dear to him and I find my old feelings for him are still there and I am thinking about him all the time when i am trying to plan a wedding to the man I intend to marry. Any advice please?

Anonymous replies: The answer to your question is simple. If you are going to get married, which you don't have to, then you should get married to the Father of your children. It is usual to have doubts before the commitment of a wedding. It is also usual to have feelings and be attracted to men other than your partner the whole point of marriage is that you control these feelings. I think you should marry your partner and be happy the grass is definitely not greener in this situation. Good luck!

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How do you know if you should stay or go .
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I have been with my boyfriend for five years. We met when we were young and it was initially the " chase " that was the reaction. Five years has flown by very quickly and we are now building a house together. I find that he gets abusive in regards to yelling at me for things that aren't my fault, at least once or twice a week. He will yell and swear at me if i make a mistake like accidently taking his mobile phone with me or forgetting to do something. Finallly after snapping i get so angry with him and yell even louder at him. It turns into a viscious circle. I dont know what to do - when he is nice and we are getting along i love him more than anything, bnut it is like when he is in a bad mood he snaps / changes into someone else.? Should I stay and try to help him change his moods , if so how do i do this ? Or should i go and endeavour the heart ache of leaving someone i love due to their temper.

Anonymous replies: In my experience this sort of behaviour is just the beginning. Get out befroe he becomes phycically abusive. You desrve better he is a bully!

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Can't get over death of Mum
Replies: This question has 2 responses

My Mum died on Boxing Day 4 years ago. I still cannot get through Xmas with anyone around, O cry all the time. I think it is about time this stopped or I am going to become a very lonely old man. Is is possible that I have not dealt with my grief properly?

Snoopy48 replies: I have lost my mum, my wife and my gorgeous German Shepherd all within three years and I know the total loss of wellbeing that can ensue. But I have thought about this long and hard to try to come to terms with these major losses. Grief is such an isolated emotion, isn't it? You simply cannot share it in full if at all, can you? What is so important in grief is that you understand that it is a perfectly normal emotion, people ate not infinite, we all die, as have billions of people before us. But even with so many people having died, and continuing to do so, death remains surreal and almost dream like. I have dealt with it by accepting it ... true acceptance of any situation brings contentment. Yes, you have not dealt with it yet, it is good to cry ... I say it cleanses the soul ... but after crying, wipe the tears and bring acceptance into your heart, feel good that your mother is at rest now, nothing more can hurt her and one day, just one day you may be reunited.

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Can't face work
Replies: This question has 2 responses

I have been off work with stress for the last 9 months. My Doctor hasb rfetired and I went to see the new Doctor last week. He told me that he would not be signing me off any more and I have to go back to work. Can he do this? I am terrifoed of going back to work. What can I do so that I do not have to?

Snoopy48 replies: Admittedly doctors do have differing views on what to do with patients reporting anxiety and depression. And a long standing GP will probably be a lot more relaxed about complying with your requests. I have been off work like this in the past and admittedly the prospect of actually going back can be scarey. But so is the thought of going to work every Monday, after a holiday or a bout of sickness. In short, life can be tough and has to be faced by all of us. I suspect your fear is more perceived than anything else and I think your new GP is right to get you back into the main stream of things. You cannot be signed off for ever, can you? Without sounding harsh, trying to keep off work is simply your way to protect your feelings right now ... but I can tell you that going back, fighting the fear and settling back into work will help you enormously, raise your dignity and make you feel so much more part of society again. I think you doctor is right here and you really should be a tad more optimistic about your life. Yes, it won't be easy but oh so rewarding your your mental outlook.

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Family problems, feels like my mums just not interested?
Replies: This question has 3 responses

This sounds like a odd question but anyway... I dont know if anyone has had this with their parents before but it just seems like my mum isnt interested? For example im 14 and just going to start with all my GCSE options. I really need someone to talk to about it. I try to bring the conversation up with her by saying somthing about it like "I dont know if i should choose this or this" and she just mutters while tapping away at her laptop. She hasnt once asked me what i want to do, she never starts a conversation with me anymore, she shows no interest in coming to the school meetings or reading the booklets about the options. And this is just one of the things. I just feel like she wont talk to me about anything and she should be more interested with things about what i want to with my life? what im thinking of taking? And tomorow im choosing them and she hasnt asked me anything about them! Theres other things aswell she just never shows an interest in anything anymore, and i dont understand why? And it just seems to be me aswell. My older brother is 17 and at college studying engineering and hes doing really well, and mum couldnt be prouder of him, shes always asking him how things are going and if he needs help etc. And she did the same when he was my age aswell. When he was doing his gcses she was talking to him like evryday telling him not to worry and that he would work it out, and asking what he thought he wanted to do and about college etc. But with me nothing? My mum and dad are seperated and have been for about 10 years, but their frends. I see my dad alot in the week and weekends as he lives alone. Me and my brother always see him several times. My dad talks to me, asks me about it. I can acctually have a conversation with him! He takes me to the option evenings and i've told him about mum but he cant seem to see the problem as such cause hes not there to see it happen. I have a younger brother whose 3 aswell and ofcourse that keeps my mum busy because hes not my dads, and his dad isnt around (long story) but she gets plenty of support from others and me and my brother. I just dont understand why she doesnt show any interest? It makes me upset i feel like she couldnt care about me less all she wants to do is like tap away on facebook, until my brother walks in the room and shes ready with questions and ideas, and hes happy to tell her about college and his girlfriend etc. I've asked my mum about it, like the other day when i was trying to talk to her, she just said it was up to me so i should just go upstairs and think about it. So i was upset and agry and replied that shes just not interested and its like i have to keep saying muuum? Mummm? till i get a "huh?" or "yeah whatever"? I keep saying your just not interested are you? and when i asked for help earlier on coursework she just said i dont know? then once again my brother will come in and its like "oohhh sooo how did your teacher say your test went"? and it goes on and on until i just slip out the room and leave to my bedroom, proably unnoticed to her. I feel alone and dont like not having support, i may be more sure of what i want to do with my life then what my brother did but i would still like to talk to her about it. Dont get me wrong i love the support from my dad, hes been amazing lately as we're getting so much closer, but me and mum to be honest we dont talk at all. She only works two days a week so i should have her there the rest of the days but nothing, shes just not interested i try to tell her, and it wont work. I want her to be proud maybe of something i did, for example im a dancer and my dads been paying for it for about ten years because my mum wouldnt by the way. And i recently got invited to London to dance with the Royal Ballet and dad was estatic that it was going so well, where as mum just said "cool" do i dissapoint her? Does she not want me to dance? Im not doing that as a career, i love dancing but its my hobbie not my job. English has always been my best subject and ive won awards in it etc. So i want to work in journalism or Media. I have my mind set on things, and at the moment i cant wait to finish with school get to college and eventually be out of this town somewhere i might get some more support. I know this is alot but i just really want some help? Please?

Anonymous replies: Thankyou so much both of you, I understand your points of view, and yes i have always been independant, and i do enjoy my own company. from reading what you have both said i now understand its impossible to change my mum, i do love her for who she is, the extra support would be nice, but i guess its another way to learn to live when im older, everything from college onwards will be independant and i think starting now helps. Thankyou for your time to answer, it really help hearing your advice, thankyou (:

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I have the wrong job
Replies: This question has 2 responses

I am 39 and went for a job interview just before Xmas. I got the job and they said I could start in the New Year.I started 2 weeks ago. The thing is the job I am doing is not the one I applied or was interviewed for. They told me that job did not exist when I sterted. The job I have is well below what I applied for and they are not paying me as much as they said they would. Is there anything Ican do about this?

Snoopy48 replies: To be honest, if you are 100% sure of your facts here, I sense this employer to be deceiful and unreliable to work for. Do you have a letter of job offer or was the whole thing much more informal? If the job 'did not exist', then you have been employed under false pretences. Frankly, this would leave such a taste in my mouth that I would start seeking alternative employment as soon as possible. In the meantime, you need to make your unhappiness known here in a firm but fair manner. They may care, they may not seeing as they seemed not to care in he first place. It seems to me that they have downgraded the job to save money, which while understandable, is totally inappropriate for a new employee. But while you job seek, do the job to the company's entire satisfaction so that a good reference will follow.

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Parents won't come to wediing
Replies: This question has 2 responses

I am about to marry my boyfriend. We went out when we were very young and then did not see each other for years. In this time I met and married someone else who I then divorced. Then I met my old flame again and now we are getting married. My parents did not like him back in the day and they say that they will not come to our wedding. It is very important that they come, how can I make them understand that it is important to me that htey come?

Snoopy48 replies: It is a sad fact that parents can be so opinionated to the point where their feelings are considered more important that their daughter who wants a happy wedding day. Not an easy question! My advice? Accept your parents' criticism of your man and tell them you understand that. However, they need to understand that you love him and want to be with him in marriage and that is going to make you oh so happy in your life. You must make that absolutely clear. Tell your parents that you love them both and that will nebver waiver, even if they don't come. But can they put aside their objections just for one day and make it the happiest it can be by them being there, supporting you in your great day, and making it complete? Tell it from the heart and hope that they respond. Tell them that they will ne invited, top of the list in fact, and you cannot imagine them not being there for your special day. They clearly have an objection to this man ... that needs to be dealt with as he will be your husband long after the event. Talk about that, make sure their objections are received and understood. They may well be misguided here, misinformed or simply just prejudice for some reason. Deal with whatever they have to say and assure them that however they feel, your love for him is consistent and while they may not like him ( at the moment ), by not coming they are not liking their daughter enough to make that protest. Is that fair to you? They should see that it's not. I do hope this is resolved and all goes well ....

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