Question Detail: My wife wants a divorce

My wife wants a divorce

I have been married for 4 yeras and I found out last month that my wife has had 2 affairs since we have been together. She said she had to tell me. After thinking about it I decided to forgive her and try to make the marriage work. She has now decided that she does not wan to be with me anymore. Can she diveorce me even though it was her who was unfaithful? I still love her and want to keep her. I said to her I will even let her see other men if ahe will only stay with me. Can anyone help?

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replies: I am sorry to say this but you are acting extremely weakly here ... no offence intended ... but to stay with a woman sho has committed adultery twice ( and admitted it ) and now tells you she doesn't love you is simply marital suicide. Yes, she can apply for divorce and frankly you should give it to her. Your love for her may be intense but she will never, ever love you back it seems. You will only be keeping a sham wife, a puppet of a woman who will never really care for you in the way that you deserve. That is the whole point here, you need to be with a woman where you love and deserve each other. Your wife is a serial cheater, by her own admission, and she has had the decency to tell you. By that very admission, she wants to be with someone else and you must agree to divorce. You will never, ever be happy with this woman, nor she with you. And yet there are plenty of women who yearn for a happy, stable relationship. Accept that and move on to that very thing.

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Anonymous replies: You owe it to yourself to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. As long as you stay with someone (however enchanting/captivating/sexy etc) who cheats on you and disregards the effort you pour into the marriage, you will probably never have a fulfilling, loving and trusting relationship. Marriage really is like dancing. Both parties have to want in. Both have to be responsive to each other and both have to make the effort. And when they do what unfolds is beautiful and timeless. Cheating once is a real problem and only the strongest marriages hope to survive infidelity-and those that do are often dogged my mistrust and a never-ending sense of betrayal. Try this little exercise: imagine it is 3 years from now. You are in a different house, with different furniture. It is a weekday night and you come home to someone you find attractive. No Model fantasies please. A real person, perhaps someone you dated in the past or had a good friendship with but didn& t take further. You hug, have a quick but affectionate kiss on the lips and go indoors. That night you are both close. You can smell the sweet scent of her skin as you both cuddle up to go to sleep. You are relaxed in the knowledge that she has similar values and morals to you. You feel good about the fact that she is as content resting against you as you are against her. Compare that to how you feel now, especially given your wife& s reluctance to atone for the past and ask yourself again if you& re really offering to & forgive& her or if you& re simply avoiding the hurt and upheaval to your life by lowering your standards to the absolute lowest of the low...

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