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Is the grass greener? Am I colourblind?
Replies: This question has 5 responses
04/05/2013 : Hi, This is the first time I've used a forum for this purpose and I'm pretty nervous about it, I hope some one can help. I basically need someone to tell me straight what to do, I feel really lost and like I'm having a quarter life crisis. I have been in a relationship for over a year now with this lovely man called Bill*. Up until about a month ago we were pretty much happy as larry, I actually felt like we were soul mates. Now for some reason I'm not sure if we are. I think it was all triggered when I was discussing partners meeting our friends at work.
Bill has never wanted to meet my friends but always put it down to his insecurities, saying they'd think he was boring. I believed him but encouraged him otherwise because both him and my friends are very important to me. Anyway after work that day we discussed it and came to the conclusion that he doesn't want to meet my friends because he doesn't think he'd like them (because they're loud and drink and he doesn't). This was a bit of a bombshell for me as how can I have a partner who never wants to meet my friends, for the rest of my life? During this discussion it also came up that we pretty much have nothing in common, only a passion for food/ baking / dining out.
I knew this before but before it didn't matter to me, now I find it really starting to matter and I'm noticing the differences more and more. He likes sport, I don't. I love fashion, he doesn't see the point. I've taken up running, he likes staying inside and playing computer games. He doesn't look after himself (i.e. not going to dentist, not buying new clothes when he has massive holes in all of them, not getting hair cut, not brushing teeth, not showering) and I take quite a lot of pride in my looks.
I've lost a lot of weight lately and think maybe I'm becoming more superficial and it's hurting the relationship because he can't fit in with that image. He is however very down to earth, caring and giving. He is a true gent. When I met him I thought he was 'the one' because we do (still) get along really well. He still makes me laugh and we can have fun together, its just rare that we DO things together anymore (because we want to do different things, ie. cinema/pub) A key point to this is libido.
In every other relationship I have had this has been a big issue, because I have such a low libido. Bill also has a low libido and it means that this is never a problem. He has started to brush me off a lot when i try to hug/kiss him but I can live with that for the ability for libido not to affect the relationship. Another important point is I have recently developed a crush on my boss ( that bombshell). It's become quite serious. I know people at work have noticed the flirting (from him to me- this will involve confiding in me, making excuses to come to my desk, telling stories to impress me/ make me laugh) but I have denied knowledge of it.
I'm aware it's going on, there's some serious sexual tension. I've tried avoiding him over the last couple of days, but it's difficult, I enjoy his company and we have almost the same shift pattern some weeks. Me and my boss (supervisor) have a lot in common, we have had similar backgrounds, enjoy the same things (music, socialising, drinking, travel - none of which Bill is interested in) we come from a similar area and have lived in this city for the same amount of time. The biggest difference is he's 9 years older than me.
NOW I know this is totally wrong to think like this and I feel awful about it. I wish I could stop thinking about him and erase him from my life, but seeing him all the time means I can't and it has meant some nights I'm in tears with guilt. I have worked with this man for about a year now but I don't know why only lately it seems to have escalated. 2 more important points, my supervisor is also in a relationship (Makes me feel sick to think I could be 'the other woman' - I may be reading the signs wrong, he may not be attracted to me, but I'm pretty sure he is) and the other point is I am living with Bill, and that leads to complications if we were to part.
I hope this makes sense, sorry it's long and I use too many brackets. I guess what I want to know is do I break up with Bill or not? I'm not expecting to break up with Bill and get together with my sup. because obviously he has a relationship too. But seeing as I'm emotionally confused (and a bit unfaithful tbh) do I end it for his sake? Or do I do something else and try and make it work between us? This could just be a phase, I'm feeling trapped with everything at the moment, including my job, my flat, this country etc (as I said quarter life crisis) Do I work through it and hope it'll pass? Sorry for rambling, please help?! x
29/04/2013 : I don't know where to turn, so I thought someone might have some useful advice on here. Every month before my period, I get this intense hike in my labido. It seems to be getting stronger. Today it is soo bad I can't focus, I'm shaky, I'm getting hot flushes and can't stop thinking about sex. I'm fantasising all day. I'm bisexual, married to a woman. Since we've been married my partner has put on a lot of weight and has been diagnosed with poly-cystic ovaries. She's jumped up from a size 12-14 to an 18 in 12months.
I feel bad but I no longer find her attractive. It's a hard time for her and I have to be supportive. I've tried to curb my feelings with chat rooms and solo sessions but it's not calming down. I don't want to cheat, but this growing feeling is soo intense I'm going to burst. Any advice other than locking myself away for 2 weeks each month?
15/04/2013 : i been with my fiance for a year and i half. and just a month ago i had a wierd feeling that i was losing feelings and i didnt know why. it was breaking my heart bc i know hes the one for me and i dont wanna lose him. i feel so sad bc i feel this way but if i lost him, it would kill me.. then i start to wonder if i love him but im not in love with him? but i still feel the same for him, like i dont wanna see him with anyone else, it would break my heart if i did. i wanna spend my life with him but idk how too feel like nothing is wrong.
everyone i talked to says im just getting comfortable in the relationship and i dont have to feel all lovey when he sends me a text all the time or when he tells me. i still feel it sometimes but not as much as i used too. i know i wanna be with him forever, he still makes me laugh and he makes me happy and he treats me so good. hes also in the marines and when he first leaves it breaks me heart and i miss him so much i cry alot, but over time i get kinda used to it but i still miss him but when i get too see him again, i get so excited and happy.
i just need to know for sure i have nothin to worry about.. i dont wanna lose him.. am i still in love with him for sure? how do i get rid of this feeling and feel back to normal with him again? i dont wanna worry about this anymore.. help please?
I was 'Friends with benefits' with a boy and now he thinks I'm in love with him because I got drunk and said I did, how do I prove that I don't and get over the embarrassment of it?
07/04/2013 : He just got out of a relationship with the 'queen bee' at school, who I've never been friends with. We were talking as usual- mildly flirty but overall just as friends- initially as a joke he suggested we became 'friends with benefits' We did not have sex, but did everything else a couple of times over the holidays, then the whole school found out and I got a lot of hate despite the fact it wasn't cheating, and she broke up with him. We got over this and he kept asking to meet me, he messaged me every day and I started to consider if he liked me in any other way.
I made excuses repeatedly as I was off-put by this, until he suggested we just be friends without the benefits, yet he still wanted to hang out with me. We never did this before, but we met up a few times and just talked, this strengthened my previous suspicions and I began to like him too. Then recently I attended a party where I got drunk and told some bitchy girls that I really liked him, and was all over him, he told a friend that he was second guessing what we had as he only likes me as a friend.
I tried talking to him to tell him that I don't see him any other way, he says he understands but we don't talk any more. I am embarrassed and want things to go back to the way they were before when he was saying he 'loved spending time with me' because I am 'funny and interesting' Thanks for listening x
02/04/2013 : I have a big crush on a boy in my class. My best friend fancies him too. I dont mind at all. But i dont know wether to tell him or keep it to myself. I have written him a letter but not put my name at the bottom. Just "?????" Should i tell him? Becaue it will be really hard!
Should I tell him I like him?
Replies: This question has 1 responses
01/04/2013 : I've already told this boy I like him before a few times, but now I think I really should do it properly. He's good friends with my best friend and she think that I shouldn't go out with him because he's into sex etc. I text him loads and we flirt constantly. I feel really awkward meeting up with him but I really really like him.
27/03/2013 : So, lets start with a little background. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for just 3 months and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Obviously this wasn't planned. I was laid off from my job the day before I found out I was pregnant, and I still live with my parents. My boyfriend rents a room from his female friend. So people asked me if I was bothered with this, and I wasn't...but now, instead of looking for a new place, his friend is buying a new place and wants to let us live there. He's eager to take this but it's fr too expensive right now, and I just feel like I can't get through to him.
I'm worrying now about his closeness with his friend, as when I go to his home town to meet his parents, he wants her to come too. He wants her to be called auntie, and despite agreeing not to tell anyone about our pregnancy until 12 weeks, I found out he's told her. He's added up all of our bills if we live in his friends house, and keeps texting saying '*** and I have worked out...' I mean...that should be he and I working things out, right? He even wants to name our baby after her. He tells her everything - right down to the fact that I'm so sick I don't want to have sex, and that my doctor is messing me around.
I feel like on top of this, he can't let me breathe alone. I love him, more than I thought I could love someone...but when I get constant texts saying 'are you eating ok?' And 'have you taken your vitamins?' Every single day, it gets annoying. He told me he's buying me food in at his place right now, and he's telling me what to eat. Now, I'm a fully qualified child care practitioner, I know prenatal care is essential - but I also know I can't force myself to eat when I don't want something. He's practically shovelling food down my throat, and when I say I'm not hungry he starts to panic and asks of I'm ok.
I'm sick of telling him it's normal to be up and down when you're pregnant! He wakes me up at night, constantly, asking if I'm ok and if he can get me anything. Now some of this is sweet...but some of its just plain annoying and I don't know how to tell him enough is enough. I fear I'm going to end up living alone and raising my baby alone...not because I don't love him, but because he's smothering me. Most of it only started after I found out I was pregnant...and I don't know if I'm over reacting or if he is really smothering me.
..right now I just feel like I can't do anything without him saying ok :/
26/03/2013 : i met with my boyfriend 10 months later. i was new to the city(state).within few days he attracted me towards himself,we started chating,talking on phone.slowly and i fall in love we are so much close to each other from morning till night (not face to face but on phone and messages)he and me in the same office.2 months before he proposed me for marriage. i was agreed with him. he talked with his family about me too.4 days before at night we fought after that he was suddenly changed like he dont love me